1. He is in "transition." Sistas hate to hear that dreaded word, which translates to unemployed. If a man says he's in "transition" then he has no job and more than likely can't name a profession, skill or trade that he's practiced for more than 3 years, consecutively. If he is an able body and free of felony convictions, he should be working, end of story.
2. He has no means of transportation.
Ladies, if the man has no car, this is more than likely his excuse for not having a job! This will also excuse his need to borrow your whip while you're out working. If your man is driving your car around town from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., then he's probably putting it down in intimate afterhours. Suggestion: Detach, somebody out there can do it better, and he may just have a job and a car.
3. He has trouble explaining/verifying his living situation.
If you've been seeing a guy for more than 90 days and you have yet to be invited his place, you have a bonafide live-in ex situation. Run. Or, if your dude is squatting at various family members pads and can hardly remember where he last left his toothbrush and toiletries, not only is he a scrub, he's a scrub with no direction. Run fast.
4. He has several children with several women.
If your dude has more than two kids with more than two women, this is a problem. No child is a mistake, but these kind of slip-ups should only happen once, MAYBE twice. Otherwise, he's reckless with his seed and you'd be foolish to try and venture down a path of longevity with him. Furthermore, a man with children should NOT have the time to be at your house all day and night, and you should encourage him to be with his babies by any means necessary.
5. He is the sum total of signs 1,2,3 and 4, which is: your man can't get a job because he's secretly dodging back child support payments, still lives with his ex and kids and he can't keep a car because it will end up stripped and vandalized. Run fast, don't look back.
6. He's dropping an album.
Eww. If you're man spends most of his time in the studio rapping about things he's never done and doesn't have, he has to go. If one more dude says he does music and bears no fruits of this labor, other than a beat up chain and party flyers, it'll be too soon. How long has he been dropping this album again?
7. He never takes you out, but "pops bottles" at the club.
If your man goes to the club and pays double what a bottle normally costs for the sake of flossing, then he more than likely wears shades inside the club too, lame. Next.
8. He hollers broke but frequents the booty club.
If your man says he "ain't got no dough" but still finds the cash flow to tip them h*@s, he needs to get his priorities straight. Ladies, buy a stripper pole for the crib; fellas, make it rain at home, problem solved.
9. He hollers broke in designer fabrics.
If the man you're dating rocks premium denims, the latest J's and a fresh line-up, and never has any money to contribute to the bar tab or dinner dates, chances are he didn't buy half of what he's wearing. Now he's trying to cake you. Run away, quickly.
10. He hollers broke, again.
If homeboy says he's running low on cash, but has every video game system with a closet full of cartridges and joysticks to boot, he's not the one. No one wants to completely do away with the testosterone release of Madden, but the line has got be drawn somewhere. His game collection should not be the only small fortune he's acquired.
This is by no means the standard, nor a knock to the brothas out grinding for betterment, but it is a reality that many of us women encounter when sifting through the scrubs to get to her ideal partner. It's not an easy process, but it propels the determination not to settle. As cliché as it sounds, we ultimately want love but just don't know how or where to find it. Maybe we have to come to grips with our weakness for fine men who dress the part and start looking for the "stand-up" guys, but where are they
10 things not to do in an interview
1. Don't be a "smiley face."
Excessive smiling in a job interview is seen for what it is -- nervousness and a lack of confidence. A smiley-face person exudes phoniness, which will quickly be picked up by the interviewer. Instead be thoughtful and pleasant. Smile when there's something to smile about. Do a practice run in front of a mirror or friend.
2. Don't be a small-talker.
Your job is to be knowledgeable about the company for which you're interviewing. Random facts about last night's episode of "Dancing with the Stars" or your favorite blog will not get you the job. Never feel you have to fill an interview with small talk. Find ways to talk about serious subjects related to the industry or company. Pockets of silence are better than padding an interview with random babble.
3. Don't sweat.
You can lose a job by wearing an undershirt or simply a little too much clothing. Sweaty palms or beads on your forehead will not impress. You are not applying to be a personal trainer. Sweat will be seen as a sign of weakness and nervousness. Do a practice run with your job interview outfit in front of friends. The job interview is one place you definitely don't want to be hot.
4. Don't be a road block.
Interviewers are seeking candidates eager to take on challenging projects and jobs. Hesitance and a nay-saying mentality will be as visible as a red tie -- and seen as a negative. Practice saying "yes" to questions about your interest in tasks and work that might normally give you pause.
5. Don't be petty.
Asking the location of the lunchroom or meeting room will clue the interviewer into your lack of preparation and initiative. Prepare. Don't ask questions about routine elements or functions of a company: where stuff is, the size of your cube, and company policy on coffee breaks.
6. Don't be a liar.
Studies show that employees lie frequently in the workplace. Lying won't get you a job. In a job interview even a slight exaggeration is lying. Don't. Never stretch your resume or embellish accomplishments. There's a difference between speaking with a measured confidence and engaging in BS. One lie can ruin your entire interview, and the skilled interviewer will spot the lie and show you the door.
7. Don't be a bad comedian.
Humor tends to be very subjective, and while it may be tempting to lead your interview with a joke you've got to be careful about your material. You probably will know nothing about the sensibilities of your interviewer, let alone what makes them laugh. On the other hand, nothing disarms the tension of a job interview like a little laughter, so you can probably score at least a courtesy chuckle mentioning that it's "perfect weather for a job interview!"
8. Don't be high-maintenance.
If you start talking about the ideal office temperature, the perfect chair for your tricky back, and how the water cooler needs to be filled with imported mineral water, chances are you'll be shown a polite smile and the door, regardless of your qualifications. Nobody hiring today is going to be looking for someone who's going to be finicky about their workspace.
9. Don't be a time-waster.
At every job interview, the prospective hire is given the chance to ask questions. Make yours intelligent, to the point, and watch the person across the desk for visual cues whether you've asked enough. Ask too many questions about off-target matters and you'll be thought of as someone destined to waste the company's resources with insignificant and time-wasting matters.
10. Don't be a switchblade.
Normally the switchblade is thought of a backstabber, often taking credit for someone else's work. In an interview setting, the switchblade can't help but "trash talk" his former employer. If you make it seem like your former workplace was hell on Earth, the person interviewing you might be tempted to call them to find out who was the real devil.
7 things to stop doing on Facebook!
Using a Weak Password
Avoid simple names or words you can find in a dictionary, even with numbers tacked on the end. Instead, mix upper- and lower-case letters, numbers, and symbols. A password should have at least eight characters. One good technique is to insert numbers or symbols in the middle of a word, such as this variant on the word "houses": hO27usEs!
Leaving Your Full Birth Date in Your Profile
It's an ideal target for identity thieves, who could use it to obtain more information about you and potentially gain access to your bank or credit card account. If you've already entered a birth date, go to your profile page and click on the Info tab, then on Edit Information. Under the Basic Information section, choose to show only the month and day or no birthday at all.
Overlooking Useful Privacy Controls
For almost everything in your Facebook profile, you can limit access to only your friends, friends of friends, or yourself. Restrict access to photos, birth date, religious views, and family information, among other things. You can give only certain people or groups access to items such as photos, or block particular people from seeing them. Consider leaving out contact info, such as phone number and address, since you probably don't want anyone to have access to that information anyway.
Posting Your Child's Name in a Caption
Don't use a child's name in photo tags or captions. If someone else does, delete it by clicking on Remove Tag. If your child isn't on Facebook and someone includes his or her name in a caption, ask that person to remove the name.
Mentioning That You'll Be Away From Home
That's like putting a "no one's home" sign on your door. Wait until you get home to tell everyone how awesome your vacation was and be vague about the date of any trip.
Letting Search Engines Find You
To help prevent strangers from accessing your page, go to the Search section of Facebook's privacy controls and select Only Friends for Facebook search results. Be sure the box for public search results isn't checked.
Permitting Youngsters to Use Facebook Unsupervised
Facebook limits its members to ages 13 and over, but children younger than that do use it. If you have a young child or teenager on Facebook, the best way to provide oversight is to become one of their online friends. Use your e-mail address as the contact for their account so that you receive their notifications and monitor their activities. "What they think is nothing can actually be pretty serious," says Charles Pavelites, a supervisory special agent at the Internet Crime Complaint Center. For example, a child who posts the comment "Mom will be home soon, I need to do the dishes" every day at the same time is revealing too much about the parents' regular comings and goings.
5 Best things to do in your relationship!
1: "Stop all shame, blame, and criticism. Instead ask for what you want in a clear, specific, and positive manner, and express appreciation for your partner. To elaborate: Men need to feel competent—that they make a contribution and that it is noticed. They like to be told what 'behavior' makes you happy. Since men tend to express affection by doing things, you should interpret their actions as love. When men know what to do and are acknowledged for it, they tend to keep doing it." — Harville Hendrix, PhD, author of Getting the Love You Want
2: "Change from a critical habit of mind, in which you're very involved with your partner's mistakes, to a positive one, in which you catch him doing something right. Notice one small thing, and express genuine appreciation. That will change your interaction patterns from escalating negativity and criticism to building a culture of appreciation." — John M. Gottman, PhD, author of The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships
3: "When your relationship starts to break down, you need AAA: an Apology, Affection, and a promise of Action. You say you're sorry for what you've said or done to hurt or disappoint your partner. You immediately offer a hug, a kiss—some meaningful gesture of warmth. You pledge to do something that matters to your partner ('From now on, I will…'). And, of course, you stick to that. This whole AAA thing can take two minutes, but in that time you've healed the past, built a bridge to the present, and created hope for your future." — Mira Kirshenbaum, psychotherapist and author of The Weekend Marriage
4: "With books on the market like How to Make Love Like a Porn Star, one of the greatest services you can do for a guy is to reassure him that he doesn't have to make love like a porn star. You can show him how to have sex like a woman: creative, sensual, non-genital-based, and more pleasure- than orgasm-focused. Lead him to an experience that goes beyond his penis and makes him fully engaged—mind, body, and soul." — Ian Kerner, PhD, author of She Comes First
5: "All relationships grow a bit stale as time goes by, and the longer-lasting they are, the staler they can get. The best thing you can do is pump in some fresh air. A long weekend in a romantic hideaway would be ideal, but even a few hours in a motel helps. Don't tell anyone where you are, turn off your cell phones, and unplug the TV. When you get home, you'll find your relationship has acquired ruddy cheeks." — Dr. Ruth Westheimer, psychosexual therapist and author of 52 Lessons on Communicating Love
10 Expenses you really dont need!
Overdraft fees. Sign up for low-balance alerts via e-mail, and link your checking account to your savings account to move money as necessary to avoid $35 fees for insufficient funds.
• Checks and postage. Pay your bills electronically instead. You'll also avoid any late fees and black marks on your record if the postal service loses your payment.
• ATM fees. Know where your own bank's ATMs are located, even in other states, so you can save $3 every time you get cash out of the wall. Or consider switching to a bank that offers free ATM usage regardless of which bank's ATM you tap.
• Coin-counting commissions. Save the 5% it can cost you to cash in your nickels and quarters at the supermarket. Coin counting is gratis at hundreds of TD Bank branches in the Northeast, Mid-Atlantic and Florida, whether or not you have an account. (Just pray the machine, called Penny Arcade, isn't down for service. That seems to happen a lot.)
Basic Investing Advice
There are plenty of wise reasons to engage a financial planner or adviser -- but there are also pointless ones. If all you want is help choosing mutual funds, especially if your choices are basic index funds inside a retirement plan, it's silly to fork over as much as 1.5% of your savings each year for someone to run a common software program to do this for you. You can arrange your money among different investments yourself or build a simple portfolio with little effort. Then rebalance every quarter or six months to restore your weightings.
By all means, get an excellent estate planner or an accountant when it's time to think about taxes and bequests. But you don't need help for everything.
Help Applying for Financial Aid
Commercial sites like FAFSA.com will help you complete and submit the important application for student aid for $79.99. But at the U.S. Department of Education's site, www.fafsa.ed.gov, you can fill out the application for free -- with all sorts of guidance on how to assemble the proper personal information.
Pet Care
Pet-sitting is big business these days, with brand names, franchises, uniforms, logos, and even lobbyists and consultants. But if your little guys are healthy, you can save the $50-a-day boarding fee while you're on vacation by asking a responsible neighbor, friend or family member to feed, walk (if needed) and hang out for a bit with your cats and dogs -- provided you volunteer to do the same when they're away. Make sure your helper knows who your vet is, and, obviously, don't be so informal if your animals have health problems that mean you should board them with the doctor.
Insurance on Rental Cars
The rental-car clerk will offer you a collision-damage waiver (sometimes called a loss-damage waiver), which can cost $10 to $20 per day. The CDW shields you if the rental car is damaged or stolen. But as long as the rental is for personal use and you have collision coverage in your own auto-insurance policy, you're covered without the CDW (with the same deductibles that apply to your own car).
Your credit-card benefits supplement your auto coverage. Most cards will pick up your deductible, and premium cards offer beefier coverage. Keep in mind that credit-card protection doesn't include liability. And if you've dropped comprehensive or collision coverage on your policy, the rental car will not be covered if it is stolen or damaged in an accident.
Credit Reports
Don't fall for sites that offer "free" credit reports, which often end up enrolling you in expensive credit-monitoring programs that you usually don't need. You can get a free copy of your credit report from each of the three credit bureaus (Experian, Equifax and TransUnion) once every 12 months at www.annualcreditreport.com. It's a good idea to stagger your reports -- getting a free one from each bureau every four months -- to keep an eye on the status of your credit and spot potential ID theft throughout the year.
Warranties
The other day I bought the snazziest new Samsung smart phone from T-Mobile at the fair price of $249. The sales rep couldn't let me go, however, without asking me to pay $125 more for insurance against me dropping the unit or otherwise ruining it. The cheaper electronics get, the less these warranties make sense. Same's true with appliances. Now, if I could insure the suits I take to the dry cleaners -- or the luggage the airlines throw around -- we might have something to talk about.
Shipping for Online Shopping
At www.FreeShipping.org, you can find coupons and codes to secure free (or deeply discounted) mailing or delivery from hundreds of retailers. Some of these are constant offers as long as you make a minimum order. Others are occasional deals with a limited life. And if there's no cost for mailing, you can't get hit with that mysterious charge for "handling," right?
Water
There are times you'll pay anything for a cold bottle of premium H2O. If you're driving through the desert, riding your bicycle on a hot day or dealing with grimy yellow stuff in your pipes, price is no object. Once while on vacation in Florida, a construction crew accidentally cut the water lines to our residence. Off to Wal-Mart it was -- or we would've been unable to cook, wash or even make coffee for 12 hours. But why pay for bottled water all the time? Is it actually safer? Bottled-water makers aren't required to test their water or make their test results public. And few brands reveal important details about the source of their water and what it contains. Heck, about 25% of bottled water actually comes from the same municipal sources that deliver water to your home.
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